Wife parents sisters elder brother creating problems

29 Aug 2018 Ref-No#: 941

Salam
May ALLAH guide us as he knows best so coming to the problem
I have been married for 8 years with 3 kids 2 son’s 1 daughter and I live in a joint family from past 1 2 years my wife parents sisters started interfering in my marriage life especially her big sister my wife started visiting her frequently in last 1 and half years I never stopped her as it was her sister house who always advices her sum thing which I don’t like for example let’s do this invest here this and That you have a right of us own house pressurise your husband fight with her mom sisters these type of things Alhamdulliauh I love my wife she loves me and we r happy it’s not that my wife discussed with me for a separate house I told her no the reason I want to live with my parents second my financial position is not Tht strong right now i work with my father help him out in his business and not capable of buying or renting a separate house she use to fight me on small things she started being careless but I ignored as I don’t wanted to get in quarrels etc etc and we had fights before too in which my in laws favoured her daughter never accepted her mistakes and on small small things she leaves the house goes to her parents house and tell them old stories etc and they support her many times I went my father went my mother went and clear the things and bring my wife this is a lil scenario so coming to the main problem it was a Sunday afternoon my wife mood I can read was not ok she was in a bad mood I gave her space and she told me her big sister is coming and my sister was cleaning the kitchen the day so some guests came my mother and sister were searching for something my wife went there to asked what are u looking for my mother told her this my wife replied they r broken so my sister asked my mother how they r broken my mother told her Tht there are kids in the house happens so my sister cursed the children’s in a slang language (my sister is divorced living with her 2 kids my elder brother has 2 kids and my 3 kids ) she didn’t mentioned me nor my wife nor my kids but my wife took it upon her and started fighting with her then I was in drawing room watching tv my elder kid came and asked me mama is calling you I went to her and she started shouting and misbehaving with me in front of her sister I calmly told her ok let the guest go then I will see to it after Tht my mother came to her explaining her Tht her daughter didn’t cursed ur children she did it generally in which her kids my brother kids comes as well and plz don’t shout as there are guest but my wife misbehaved with her my mother is a BP patient and has sugar also so my mother condition was not good due to tension and over thinking and misbehaving of my wife I was in the drawing room my lil brother came tht mom has fallen come fast I saw my mother I was shocked I started to search for my shoes to take my mother to the hospital I went to my room where my wife was still angry looking at me I got pissed and scolded her Tht when I told you to shut your mouth why did u shouted she started misbehaving again go tell ur sister not me my father came in my room knocking and started explaing my wife this is not the way beta her big sister intefred give them a flat so this doesn’t happen etc etc I told her I won’t leave my parents she started shouting her husband doesn’t want to go Thts the problem etc I ignored went out and sent my mother to the hospital i didn’t went to look after the house sum thing bad doesn’t happens then came up tried to calm down things then my wife sister husband came we sat down had normal chat then my wife big sister asked me for private 2 mins I went with her to the balcony where she told me to take my wife side in front of my father I was like why should I didn’t u see the way she was talking and misbehaving and my mother went to the hospital came back my wife didn’t went to see her or ask her how she is she told me u take her I said no if she has guilt she will go herself and ask mother how she is feeling then my wife sister saw tht my mood is not well she didn’t talked much then she took my wife to my parents room to ask my mother how is she then my sister came there also to say sorry but again in explaing things my wife said she don’t care for no one and started repeating the abuse in front of my father 4 5 Time my father got pissed and asked my wife and my sister to go to there respected rooms then my wife came to the room where I was sitting with her sister husband she started shouting I won’t live in this house mis behaved badly abused me my sister I told her Tht no you won’t leave sit in your room but she continued shouting then i got angry my brother tried to stop me u dont shout plz this and tht then my father came trying to explain her my father told her he husband is saying is reply she abused me and said me bad words due to which my father slapped her to keep her quite ( in my house my father loves her the most keeps her like his daughter when ever enter home asks for Her play with my kids give her pocket money as a father etc ) then my father slapped me 2 3 times then my sister and went to his room and shut the gate so her sister is Like let me take her for 2 3 hours I will calm down and send her my mom came let her I was like ok mom as u say so she took her but as usual she lied and took her to her parents where her sister lied Tht my father has beaten her badly her sister didn’t utter a word and as usual her parents brother supported her and my wife told stories of old fights 4 5 years back etc tried to manipulate now her parents are like my father should come to there house and my father is Like I won’t go every time she leaves house on small things I went this time I won’t go if they wanna talk they should come to my house I won’t go any where else not his matter then after some time I went to my in laws house my wife was not there she was at her sister house I went there MET my wife I tried to make her understand said sorry on behalf of my father mother sister even when my wife was the one who misbehaved she was like no my brother mother father is saying if u take a separate house then I will come etc etc
Not the issue is I have provided my wife a separate room which has privacy and every thing and A separate bathroom with privacy only me and she uses it our kitchen is common I have provided her with every basic need like kids milks pampers snacks her pocket money every thing I have provided her I swear by ALLAH now in laws are using my kids as bait to blackmail me so because of kids I listen to them and they can blackmail my father so he buys me a flat when I am with my father business helping him out and get my monthly share and I provide my wife and even my father has told me and I can build 2 rooms and A kitchen washroom on the roof lets us save a little money first as construction is not a easy thing now my wife is Like I won’t come listing to her parents her mother is Like buy a separate flat then I will give my dauther her sister are continues lying on my back spreading my home talks to every person we know now my father is pissed he said she went on her own she should come back her own I won’t go I tried but my wife didn’t come with me telling me her brother and father won’t allow and not meeting me meet my kids my father is saying if she comes if not he will get me a 2nd wife I love my wife but she always neglects me for Her Parents especially her big brother and elder sister and her elder sister has brain washed her
What’s does Islam say
I tired every thing but she is not coming with me and I am not in a position to facilate a separate house I even told my wife come after 1 or 2 years I will provide you with 2 3 room I know 1 room is not enuff with 3 kids but pls bear with me but she is not listing to me
Now What should I do what Islam says
What right her parents have to demand a new house
Not letting me meet my kids
Abusing me and my sister’s and parents
My Father hitting her in this scenario was Right or wrong
What should I do if my wife doesn’t agree can I go for a second wife
I have provided her with a separate room washroom with whole privacy my parents nor my sister interfere she has the total command of her room but still she is doing this
Her brother is egoist and she is influcened by her and always degrades me in front of her of her parents

Answer

Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

We are really sorry to read about your plight. May Allah make it easy for you.

If you really were providing for your wife and you did give her a separate room and bathroom with totally privacy, then she has no right to leave your home or keep your kids away from you. Islamically, such a woman is called a Nashiza; and you do not have to spend on her unless she comes back to you. You only have to take care of the expenses of your children.

Her parents have no right in demanding a new house, nor can she keep your kids away from you. It is incorrect for your in laws to interfere in your life.

We suggest that you take this issue to your local ‘Ulama,who can hear both sides, and then inform your wifes family that they are oppressing you,and they have no Islamic right to demand from you more than what you can afford.

If all fails, you can discuss with your parents the option of getting another wife.

References

وإذا تغيبت المرأة عن زوجها وأبت أن تحوّل معه إلى منزله أو حيث يريد من البلدان فلا نفقة لها إن كان أعطاها مهرها. (الأصل للشيباني – 10/ 329)

(ويجب سكناها في بيت ليس فيه أحد من أهله، ولو ولده من غيرها برضاها، وبيت مفرد من دار له غلق كفاها. (شرح الوقاية – 5/ 104)

واتفقوا على وجوب نفقة الموسرين إذا كانا موسرين وعلى نفقة المعسرين إذا كانا معسرين، وإنما الاختلاف فيما إذا كان أحدهما موسرا والآخر معسرا فعلى ظاهر الرواية الاعتبار لحال الرجل فإن كان موسرا وهي معسرة تجب عليه نفقة الموسرين ولا يجب عليه أن يطعمها مما يأكل، لكن قال مشايخنا يستحب له أن يؤاكلها؛ لأنه مأمور بحسن العشرة معها وذا في أن يؤاكلها لتكون نفقتها ونفقته سواء وإن كان معسرا وهي موسرة وجب عليه نفقة المعسرين؛ لأنها لما تزوجت معسرا فقد رضيت بنفقة المعسرين، وأما على المفتى به فتجب نفقة الوسط في المسألتين وهي فوق نفقة المعسرة ودون نفقة الموسرة (البحر الرائق – 4 / 190)

(لا) نفقة لأحد عشر: مرتدة، ومقبلة ابنه، ومعتدة موت،ومنكوحة فاسدا وعدته، وأمة لم تبوأ، وصغيرة لا توطأ، و (خارجة من بيته بغير حق) وهي الناشزة حتى تعود ولو بعد سفره خلافا للشافعي، والقول لها في عدم النشوز بيمينها، وتسقط به المفروضة لا المستدانة في الأصح كالموت، قيد بالخروج؛ لأنها لو مانعته من الوطء لم تكن ناشزة (حاشية ابن عابدين – 3/ 575)

(قوله وكذا تجب لها) أي للزوجة السكنى أي الإسكان، وتقدم أن اسم النفقة يعمها؛ لكنه أفردها؛ لأن لها حكما يخصها نهر (قوله خال عن أهله إلخ) ؛ لأنها تتضرر بمشاركة غيرها فيه؛؛ لأنها لا تأمن على متاعها ويمنعها ذلك من المعاشرة مع زوجها ومن الاستمتاع إلا أن تختار ذلك؛ لأنها رضيت بانتقاص حقها هداية……

قلت: وفي البدائع: ولو أراد أن يسكنها مع ضرتها أو مع أحمائها كأمه وأخته وبنته فأبت فعليه أن يسكنها في منزل منفرد؛ لأن إباءها دليل الأذى والضرر ولأنه محتاج إلى جماعها ومعاشرتها في أي وقت يتفق لا يمكن ذلك مع ثالث؛ حتى لو كان في الدار بيوت وجعل لبيتها غلقا على حدة قالوا ليس لها أن تطالبه بآخر. اهـ فهذا صريح في أن المعتبر عدم وجدان أحد في البيت لا في الدار. (حاشية ابن عابدين – 3/ 599)

اگر بیوی مالدار ہو تو اسے الگ مکان دینا واجب ہے، متوسط درجہ کی ہو اسی مکان میں ایک مستقل کمرہ کے علاوہ باور چی خانہ، غسلخانہ، اور بیت الخلاء بھی مستقل ہونا ضروری ہے۔ مسکینن ہوتو صرف ایک کمرہ کافی ہے، باور چی خانہ، غسلخانہ، اور بیت الخلاء مشترک ہوں تو مضائقہ نہیں۔ (احسن الفتاوی – 5 / 578)