Single woman wants to marry a divorced man with children

12 Sep 2018 Ref-No#: 978

I’m 29 years old girl that met a guy. We know each other for a long time but we were serious. we’ve been talking on the phone basically about everything especially about marriage. We understood each other instantly. For me everything is good because he comes from a good family, prays, and has aqhlaaq. The only thing that has hesitated me in the past was, that he was married before and has now 2 children by the age of 10 & 9 years old. he married when he was young and is divorced for the past 7 years (He is 36 years old ). We talked about it and for me i can live with it because the children live with their mum.

I spoke with my parents that i want to get marry him. My parents were not happy at all! Mainly because he was married before and secondly he has kids. They are afraid that it might come to problems with his ex-wife. I already talked about it with him. Both have their own life the only thing that is connected is the two children. I know that i can handle it.
My parents also can’t accept it because they expected me to marry someone that is according to them on the same level with me or even better. But how can they tell if they are not giving the opportunity to get to know him. i know that he is coming from a good family and hase good manners but how can i convince my parents as they have a totally negative view of him just because of the fact that he was married before and has children. Furthermore they think that once someone is going to a divorce that person is taking divorce lightly

Answer

Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

You cannot deny that your parents love for you and have your best interests in mind. Their opinion should be not just be ignored, but you should apprexiate their insight of issues. Their points on marrying a divorcee with kids are valid. Likewise, marrying someone on your own status is highly stressed in Islam.

We should realise that my marrying a person, you will be with him your entire life. One cannot just take a chance, or get carried away by emotions.It is best to take the advises.of your elders in such a situation.

An important point to note is that if you marry without the consent of your parents and the boy is not from your Kuf’ (compatibile in Shariah), then the marriage will not be valid.

Nevertheless, If you still strongly feel that the person in referance will help you in your Dunya and your Deen, then consider discussing the issue with an appropriate wise person who has influence on your parents to intervene on your behalf and explain to them your reasons.

Also, continue making Istikhara and Dua that Allah blesses you with someone who is best for you.

References

(قَوْلُهُ بِعَدَمِ جَوَازِهِ أَصْلًا) هَذِهِ رِوَايَةُ الْحَسَنِ عَنْ أَبِي حَنِيفَةَ، وَهَذَا إذَا كَانَ لَهَا وَلِيٌّ لَمْ يَرْضَ بِهِ قَبْلَ الْعَقْدِ
(رد المحتار – 3/ 57)

(وعند أبي حنيفة وأبي يوسف أنه لا يجوز التزويج في غير الكفء) ش: وهي رواية الحسن كما ذكرنا، وفي فتاوى ” قاضي خان ” و” القنية “: المختار للفتوى في زماننا رواية الحسن، وفي رواية الكافي وبقوله أخذ كثير من المشائخ، قال شمس الأئمة في المبسوط: هذا أقرب إلى الاحتياط (البناية شرح الهداية – 5/ 79)

اما رواية المختارة للفتوى فلا يصح العقد أصلا اذا زوجت نفسها من غير كفؤ (شرح مختصر الطحاوي – 4/256)