Stressed about a Miscarriage and my decision

06 Jul 2018 Ref-No#: 788

Asalam alykum warahmatulahy wabarakatu..I had an abortion @ 8 weeks I don’t know how and why it happened SubhannAllah.. I’ve asked for forgiveness from Allah.now what is stressing me is I had fibroids which were bothering me ..after a couple of Months I decided to remove them Alhamdulilah.. after a few Months of recovery I started having doubts and regrets about it,sometimes I would ask myself why I did the surgery ..I asked Allah for guidance before making the decision…it has affected me a lot ,I can’t sleep I’m always crying, lost hope in everything and hating myself.I feel my iman is down and I don’t have kushu in prayers.. .my question is did I rush things since I asked Allah for guidance concerning my health..I wanted to confirm was it Qadar from Allah for me to have the surgery.. I know everything was written before we we’re born..

Answer

Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

We are really sorry to hear about your recent miscarriage.  May Allah Ta’ala grant you Sabr in this hardship, Ameen.  One of the qualities of a believer is that he/she practices Sabr when difficulties befall.  Allah Ta’ala says in the Qur’an:

وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُم بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ (155) الَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَتْهُم مُّصِيبَةٌ قَالُوا إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ (156) أُولَٰئِكَ عَلَيْهِمْ صَلَوَاتٌ مِّن رَّبِّهِمْ وَرَحْمَةٌ ۖ وَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْمُهْتَدُونَ (157)

{And surely We shall try you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to the steadfast, Who say, when a misfortune strikes them: Lo! we belong to Allah and Lo! unto Him we are returning. Such are they on whom are blessings from their Lord, and mercy. Such are the rightly guided} (2:155-157).

Thus, Allah sends down calamities upon us as a test. And when we are patient, Allah blesses us with great rewards.  Abu Hassaan (may Allah have mercy on him) said,

قلت لأبي هريرة إنه قد مات لي ابنان فما أنت محدثي عن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم * بحديث تطيب به أنفسنا عن موتانا قال قال نعم صغارهم دعاميص الجنة يتلقى أحدهم أباه أو قال أبويه فيأخذ بثوبه أو قال بيده كما آخذ أنا بصنفة ثوبك هذا فلا يتناهى أو قال فلا ينتهى حتى يدخله الله وأباه الجن (أخرجه مسلم في صحيحه – (8/388)

I said to Abu Huraira that my two children had died. Would you narrate to me anything from Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) a hadith which would soothe our hearts in out bereavements? He said: yes. Small children are the birds of Paradise. If one of them meets his father he would take hold of his cloth, or he said with his hand as I take hold of the hem of your cloth (with my hand). And he (the child) would not take off (his hand) from it until Allah causes his parents to enter paradise. (Sahih Muslim – 8/388)

عن معاذ قال قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ما من مسلمين يتوفى لهما ثلاثة إلا أدخلهما الله الجنة بفضل رحمته إياهما فقالوا يا رسول الله أو اثنان قال أو اثنان قالوا أو واحد قال أو واحد ثم قال والذي نفسي بيده إن السقط ليجر أمه بسرره إلى الجنة إذا احتسبته (أخرجه أحمد في مسنده- (36/ 410)

“There is no two Muslim (parents) who loses three children, except that Allah will enter those parents into Jannah, out of His mercy for them.” Sahaba asked, “And if they only lose two children?” The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) mentioned that even if they lose two children (they will get the same reward).” They then asked, “And what if a couple only loses one child?” The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said, “(They will get this reward) even if its only one child.” He (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) then said, “By the One in Whose hand is my soul, truly the miscarried child will certainly drag its mother with its umbilical, if she truly have this hope (and conviction) from Allah.”(Musnad Ahmad, 36/410)

More specifically for a miscarriage (having to do the abortion due to your health), Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) said,

قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «إن السقط ليراغم ربه إذا دخل أبواه النار حتى يقال أيها السقط المراغم ربه ارفع، فإني أدخلت أبويك الجنة» قال: «فيجرهما بسرره حتى يدخلهما الجنة» (أخرجه ابن أبي شيبة في مصنفه (3/ 37) وابن ماجه في سننه (1/ 513)

 “Verily a miscarried foetus will persist in interceding on behalf of its parents that are in the fire until it would be said: Oh the miscarried foetus that is persisting to its Rabb, wake up for verily I have entered your parents into jannat. The foetus will pull the parents with its umbilical cord until they enter Jannah” (Musannaf Ibn Abi Shayba, 3/37 and Ibn Majah, 1 / 513)

 عن سهل بن حنيف قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: « السقط ليرى محبنطئا بباب الجنة، فيقال له: ادخل، فيقول: حتى يدخل أبواي» (المعجم الأوسط ( 6/ 44)

“Verily the miscarried foetus will see (his parents) anxiously waiting at the door of Jannah.” It will be told to the foetus: “Enter Jannah! The foetus will reply, “(I will not enter) until my parents enter Jannah”. (al-Mu’jam al-awsat, 6/44)

From these narrations it is clear that Allah will definitely reward you for this difficulty. If you are patient and have hope in Allah, your Jannah is, insha Allah, secured. We understand that it is really difficult, but the reward is immense.

Furthermore, Allah has written and ordained the life and death of every creature. No creature will live longer than the time stipulated by Allah. Thus, whether you don’t the surgery or not, the baby would not have lived.

Allah Ta’ala, through His infinite knowledge, knows why He took this child away so early. Maybe its to secure your Jannah, or perhaps the children that were to be born could have been a calamity on you.

The fibroid and kness which you had was also from Allah. Allah uses that too as a means of forgiving sins, and raising your status in the hereafter.

When Allah wishes good for a person, Allah sends down these type of afflictions on him. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) said that the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said,

قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم من يرد الله به خيرا يصب منه (أخرجه البخاري في صحيحه – (7/ 115)

“If Allah wishes good for a person, Allah afflicts him.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 7/115)

Think of all the difficulties the Prophets went through. Remember how Ayub (alayhi as Salam) endured his sickness. Keep in mind the difficulties of Yusuf (alayhi as Salam). And the Prophet (sallalahu alayhi wa sallam) himself endured so many sicknesses, constant fever, continuous headaches etc, and also lost children whilst they were small.

Trust the decision of Allah, and be pleased with what He has ordained. It is fine to feel sad, but have hope on the rewards which Allah has prepared and don’t let it affect your connection with your creator. Allah will bless you with better.