MARRIAGE???

09 Aug 2018 Ref-No#: 877

Dear sir or madam.

My parents have been married for over twenty years. But they both have another etnicity. My mother is from morocco whilst my dad is from egypt. We live in the netherlands. My grandmother in egypt has always wanted an egyptian bride and has never ever accepted a moroccan one. This is pure pride while my parents really where in love. When i was little she has hit my mother and has made him hit her too and has always brought brides for him (egyptian ones). When i was little he wouldnt accept them but since i was 10,11,12 years old everything changed. He would go on dating sites looking for “sexy arabian women” whilst i was sitting close to him. One day they were going to split and made a big fight and we were living with my brother (from my mothers side, long before my mom met my dad) and his wife and he wanted to burn the house and the police got involved. He went really crazy and everyting changed but my mother forgave him. But he never ever wanted us to go to egypt anymore nor come with us to morocco, he would go alone 3(!) times a year, each time more than a month. Its like he lives for egypt. At important moments in my life he was in egypt and i have felt so alone and so empty knowing i have a family that basically betrayed me and my mother. We knew he would have had a girlfriend or a wife, but lately he just spilles everything; we found his “second wife” on facebook with the marriage pictures of them. He has been married for years and he has a son, my brother! And he doesnt give my mother any islamic rights like he sleeps in another house, never in same bed, he doesnt give her the money she needs, he doesnt get jealous for her and he lets us travel alone all the time. I miss my family but i am so angry at them because they knew this and they wanted this to be. My mother is so hurt but is holding on and she deserves better. Do i need to go to egypt? My grandparents are so old and they could die any moment and i havent seen them since i was 11/12 and im 19 now. Should my parents divorce? Should my mother remarry? We also found sihr that was directly ment to create hate between my parents. Please help us.

Answer

Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

We are disheartened to hear of your ordeal. May Allah make it easy for you and your mum.

If you have a Mahram to take you to Egypt, it will be good to visit your grandparents. However, if there is no Mahram, then you should atleast just phone. You should maintain ties with them, even if they break off from you.

It is upto your mother to decide whether she wants to come out of this marriage or not.

You state that your dad does not fulfill your moms Islamic rights. Thus, your mother has the right of Faskh. This means that she can approach your local ‘Ulama and ask them to nullify her marriage. Alternatively, she can ask your dad to agree on Khula, which means that she gives back her Mahr (dowry) so that he can issue the divorce.

Yes, if your mother comes out of this marriage and finds someone better, then she may get married to him after her Iddah.

If you are sure that this is Sihr, then try to look for a local Raaqi (person who specialises in curing Sihr).

 

 

References

قال الإمام البخاري حدثنا إسحاق بن إبراهيم الحنظلي قال قلت لأبي أسامة حدثكم عبيد الله عن نافع عن ابن عمر رضي الله عنهما أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال لا تسافر المرأة ثلاثة أيام إلا مع ذي محرم (أخرجه البخاري- (2/ 43)

قال الإمام مسلم حدثني محمد بن المثنى ومحمد بن بشار واللفظ لابن المثنى قالا حدثنا محمد بن جعفر حدثنا شعبة قال سمعت العلاء بن عبد الرحمن يحدث عن أبيه عن أبي هريرة أن رجلا قال * يا رسول الله إن لي قرابة أصلهم ويقطعوني وأحسن إليهم ويسيئون إلي وأحلم عنهم ويجهلون علي فقال لئن كنت كما قلت فكأنما تسفهم المل ولا يزال معك من الله ظهير عليهم ما دمت على ذلك (أخرجه مسلم – (4/ 1982)