Maintaining relations with a female

27 Feb 2018 Ref-No#: 328

Assalamu alaykum,

I have a female neighbour and we were brought up together. I am really close with her, since we spent alot of time together during childhood. We were always together in school, we done homework together, we spend weekends together etc.

I do not look at her with lust, and neither of us has any evil intentions. I look at her as a sister.

Can we still maintain our close relationship?

Answer

Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Irrelevant of whether you look at the female friend with lust or not, such friendship in Shari’ah is not condonable.

Moreover, Allah has prohibited merely looking at a female. Allah states,

قُلْ لِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ

“Say to the believers that they should cast down their eyes.” (Surah 24:30)

Casting of the eyesight, with lust or without lust, is generally the first staircase of adultery. It is the door for many indecencies opening up. To abolish indecency and adultery the Holy Quran has primarily shut this door. Muslim men and women have been ordered to abstain from looking at each other. One should bear in mind that thoughts such as, “I look at her as a sister ” and other such thoughts are all deceptions from the Shaitaan. We should remember that Allah is aware of the theft of the eyes, the secrets of the hearts, and the condition of our intentions. So keeping Allah in mind one should abstain from all Haraam acts.

والدليل عليه: أنا أجمعنا على أنه يجوز النظر إلى وجهها للتحمل، والنظر إلى الأجنبية مع ما فيه من خوف الفتنة لا يجوز إلا لضرورة (المحيط البرهاني في الفقه النعماني (8/ 291)

(فإن خاف الشهوة) أو شك (امتنع نظره إلى وجهها) فحل النظر مقيد بعدم الشهوة وإلا فحرام وهذا في زمانهم، وأما في زماننا فمنع من الشابة قهستاني وغيره (الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين (رد المحتار) (6/ 370)

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