In-laws

08 Apr 2019 Ref-No#: 1530

Salaam alaykom Ya shaykh
Please help me what I should do in this awkward situation dealing with my in-laws coming to my home and having mixed gathering. My husbands brother every now and then comes to visit and sometimes brings his wife. She does not wear any hijab at all. They do mixed gathering.
( I tried advising them against the mixing but they continue to mix. They sit and talk together in sitting area then eat together) if I don’t participate they will get offended and see me as antisocial/extreme. But the same time I hate it bc it’s haram can I sit there and just hate it ? Pls advise what I should do in this situation. Shaykh Assim al Hakeem told me I should lock myself in my room and not come out until they leave but that is easier said than done because I have 2 young children 1 and 3. ( also we live in one level apartment so the main living area is one big open space and my children’s rooms are on the opposite side of mine surrounding this one main living area. Pls advise how I should deal with this situation If it occurs again.

Jazakum Allahu khairan

Answer

Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

The intermingling of sexes is an strictly prohibited in Shari’ah. However, when dealing with close family who come to your house, much Hikmah (wisdom) and caution is required.

Your duty will be to continuously look for the opportune moment and explain to your husband that you are not comfortable in intermingling with his brother, and you are not happy that such gatherings take place at your home. With that, you should cry before Allah and ask Him to guide your husband and in laws.

If your husband is not convinced and his family continue to come to your home, you should wear concealing clothes and cover your entire body (including face and feet) in your husbands brothers and other non Mahram males presence. Try your best to avoid talking directly to the non Mahrams present there. At the time of meals, try to sit in a way that his brother cannot see you. Otherwise, when putting a morsel in your mouth, lift your veil in such a way that no strange man can see you. Although this might be uncomfortable initially, it is possible, and there are many females who do this.

Insha Allah, once your in laws see this determination of yours, it will automatically become a Da’wah for them. Your Niqaab and modest dress will indicate to them that you intend to follow your Deen correctly. If, after doing that, they label you, you should ignore such labels and understand that all prophets were labelled by their communities.

In your heart, detest these gatherings, and make the intention that you are only doing this out of necessity.

Do not judge or look down upon your sister in law. Insha Allah, she will also get Hidayah one day. Display good character before her, because verily that is compulsory upon you as well.

All these refer to the situation where your very close inlaws (husbands siblings) come to your house and invite you to theirs. As for invitations to other peoples homes, if the gathering does not exercise Hijaab and allows men and women to freely intermingle with one another, then it is imperative for you to avoid gathering and advise your husband to do the same.