I find him unattractive

25 Mar 2019 Ref-No#: 1491

Asalam alykum warahmatulahy wabarakatu.. I would like to know what are the main things I’ve should check in a spouse before marriage? I want to reunite with my ex husband but the thing is I find him unattractive,old and we are not compatible..but I love him I’ve tried seeking other men but my mind is always thinking about I’ve been through alot during our separation. I was depressed .subhannallah I don’t know if.its love or fear.
Currently I’m begging him to marry me at again as I’m afraid of committing zina as I find myself in a desperate position. Now he’s reconsidering marrying me again.. Should I concentrated on his looks? I’m really confused about all this..

Answer

Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

When deciding on a potential spouse, one should look at a persons piety and character. It is narrated in Sahih al-Bukhari,

عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه، عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: تنكح المرأة لأربع: لمالها ولحسبها وجمالها ولدينها، فاظفر بذات الدين، تربت يداك

It is narrated from Abu Hurayra (radhiallahu ‘anhu) that Nabi (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “A woman (and man) is married for four reasons:  wealth, lineage, beauty, and piety, so you should definitely try to marry a person with piety.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 7/7)

Beauty and attractiveness have no value if the person will make your life a horror.

You state that you love this person, so his looks are not of a concern anymore. You do not have to base your decision on that. Since you lived with him already, you have a good idea on his Deen (religion) and Akhlaaq (character) . If you think that  he is pious and has good conduct, then perform Istikharah. If the Istikharah is positive, you may accept the union with him again.

References

قال ابن ماجه حدثنا أبو كريب . حدثنا عبد الرحمن المحاربي وجعفر بن عون عن الإفريقي عن عبد الله بن يزيد عن عبد الله بن عمرو قال قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم ( لا تزوجوا النساء لحسنهن . فعسى حسنهن أن يرديهن . ولا تزوجوهن لأموالهن . فعسى أموالهن أن تطغيهن . ولكن تزوجوهن على الدين . ولأمة خرماء سوداء ذات دين أفضل ) (أخرجه ابن ماجه في سننه – 1/ 597 في الزوائد في إسناده الإفريقي وهو عبد الله بن زياد بن أنعم ضعيف . والحديث رواه ابن حبان في صحيحه بإسناد آخر)