Conflicting core fundamental views between husband and wife affecting the marriage
Assalamu alaykum wrb
I know it’s not permissible to eat meat that is not halal even if living in the west with understanding Quran 5:4 in light of Quran 6:121…problem is my Husband continues to buy the nonhalal meat from the supermarkets because he believes it’s permissible to eat it since USA is considered a Christian country and doesn’t want to pay extra for the halal nor does he want to be bothered going to a halal butcher as the grocery stores don’t typically carry halal. So he calls me extreme. I am breastfeeding a toddler and infant. Should I refuse to eat the nonhalal meat he buys And just become a vegetarian? And would it also be haram for me to cook this meat for him? do I have right to refuse?
In another matter he accuses me of being “extreme” is I believe that corporeal images are not permissible based on the authentic Hadiths. So I rid of anything that has corporeal images nor do I buy food or clothing brands that contain such images and I go out of my way to ensure my young children only have noncorporeal toys/clothing and if someone gifts them such toys I return them to the store if possible or throw them away. and he is calling me extreme in this too. He thinks the prohibition of images only applies to worshipping it. He even watches tv/movies. I try to advise against this but he is not receptive. It pains me that his thinking is so misguided. I don’t want the angels of mercy to ever be repelled from entering my home based on my husbands misguidance that I can’t control nor do I want my children to be affected by his ways he sometimes even tries to play movies in front of my children in which cases Im forced to intervene and plead with him not to watch this stuff with the children around. If it was up to me I’d completely rid of the television bc the harm in it far outweighs any good but he won’t allow it.These are 2 very core fundamental differences we have and it affects our marriage. Please advise. Jazak Allahu Khairan
Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
We can imagine the difficulty you are going through, and salute you for your values. There is no obediance for any creation if it is at the expense of disobeying Allah.
There are three issues which you husband needs to look into before actually justifying his eating of meat using those 2 verses:
1) Do the Christians actually slaughter the animals? And even if they do slaughter, do they ensure that 3 of the 4 veins are really severed?
2) What proof does he have that those who are slaughtering are actually Christains?
3) If they are Christains and they are slaughtering correctly, do they take the name of Allah when cutting?
Allah Ta’ala has emphatically commanded in the Quran:
وَلَا تَأْكُلُوا مِمَّا لَمْ يُذْكَرِ اسْمُ اللَّهِ عَلَيْهِ وَإِنَّهُ لَفِسْقٌ ۗ وَإِنَّ الشَّيَاطِينَ لَيُوحُونَ إِلَىٰ أَوْلِيَائِهِمْ لِيُجَادِلُوكُمْ ۖ وَإِنْ أَطَعْتُمُوهُمْ إِنَّكُمْ لَمُشْرِكُونَ (121)
“And do not eat of that upon which the name of Allah has not been mentioned, for indeed, it is grave disobedience. And indeed do the devils inspire their allies [among men] to dispute with you. And if you were to obey them, indeed, you would be associators [of others with Him].” (Verse 121 of Surah al-Anaam)
This verse qualifies the 2 verses alluded to in your question. Even Christains need to take the name of Allah at the time of slaughtering. There is no difference whether the slaughter is done in a Muslim country or in a Christian country.
As long as the above three questions are not answered, the meat which your husband is buying will be considered Haraam. As such, it will not be permissible for you to cook or eat the meat that he buys. You also need to be careful about contamination.
You have the full right of refusing to eat and preventing your children too from consuming the Haram which he brings home. Perhaps once he sees that his family is being deprived of meat because of his desire to save a little, he might begin to buy Halal.
Try your best to explain to him the importance of Halal and to convince him to take this issue seriously. Suggest to him that as a start, he may spend the exact same amount of money for meat, and even though he will get less Halal meat, atleast you and the kids can also partake of the food. If he fears Allah, Allah will provide for him.
If all fails, ask him to atleast compromise; where he buys Halal for one week, so that you and the kids too may eat meat.
Continue making Dua for him, and try to start Taleem in the house. This will bring Nur (light), and it might make him change his mind.
Do not bother about him accusing you of being extreme. The Quran is replete with verses which show how the Prophets were mocked at and called even worst names.
For now, continue getting rid of any images, so that the angels can come to your house. But only discuss the issue of meat with him. Maybe bring up the issue of the pictures only after a month or two.
وإن ترك الذابح التسمية عمدا،فالذبيحة ميتة،لاتوكل وإن تركها ناسيا أكل (الهداية – ج 4 / ص)
وَإِن ترك الذَّابِح التَّسْمِيَة عمدا فالذبيحة ميتَة لَا تُؤْكَل وَإِن تَركهَا نَاسِيا أكل وَالْمُسلم والكتابي فِي ترك التَّسْمِيَة سَوَاء (بداية المبتدي – ج 1 / ص 218)
والعروق التي تقطع في الذكاة أربعة الحلقوم وهو مجرى النفس والمريء وهو مجرى الطعام والودجان وهما عرقان في جانبي الرقبة يجري فيها الدم فإنقطع كل الأربعة حلت الذبيحة وإن قطع أكثرها فكذلك عند أبي حنيفة رحمه الله تعالى وقالا لا بد من قطع الحلقوم والمريء وأحد الودجين والصحيح قول أبي حنيفة رحمه الله تعالى لما أن للأكثر حكم الكل كذا في المضمرات (الهندية – ج 5 / ص 287)
قلت: والصحيح المختار عندنا هو القول يعني ذبائح الكتابي تاركا للتسمية عامدا أو علي غير اسم الله تعالى لايأكل إن علم ذالك يقينا أو كان غالب حالهم ذاك وهو محمل النهي عن أكل ذبائح نصارى العرب ومحمل قول عليؓ:لاتأكلوا من ذبائح نصارى بني تغلب فإنهم لم يتمسكوا من النصرانية بشيئ إلا بشربهم الخمر فلعل عليا علم من حالهم أنهم لايسمون الله عند الذبح أو يذبحون على غير اسم الله تعالى. فكذا حكم نصارى العجم إن كان عادتهم الذبح على غير اسم الله تعالى غالبا لا يوكل ذبيحتهم ولاشك أن النصارى فى هذا الزمان لايذبحون بل يقتلون بلوقذ غالبا فلايحل طعامهم(تفسير مظهري – ج 3 / ص 39)
أماّ في هذه الأزمنة فلم يعودوا يعملون بما في كتبهم فأصبحوا كالمرتدين،فنرى ألاّ توكل ذبائحهم إلاّ إذا تحقق أنهم يذبحونها ذبحا شرعيا الخ (فتاوى علماء البلد الحرام، ص 1017 (أخد من فتاوى دار العلوم زكريا – ج 6 / ص 127)