Assalam Alyaikum! Because of religion restriction I became crazy: usually a lot of impurities I face every day make me very nervious, difficulties with halal food, problems with wudu saving, etc. I constantly think about suicide. Because I take care of my worship and a lot of reasons that can take away them. I don’t know what to do. I tried to be good in religion but I loose my mind and calm. I thought that religion made me crazy is it apostasy?
Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
Allah Ta’ala has made our religion perfect and easy for us. A logical proof is that there are over a billion people on this planet who not only find the religion of Islam to be easy, rather they find all their happiness, solace and peace in this noble religion.
Firstly, you should contact your local scholars and mention to them your concerns.
Then, it is recommended that you also get a medical check. Perhaps all these concerns come about because of some psychological discorder like OCD.
Also make it a habit of reciting the following constantly:
أعوذُ باِللهِ مِنَ الشَّيطَانِ الرَّجِيم
“I seek refuge in Allah from the rejected devil.”
لاحول ولا قوة إلا بالله
“There is no power and no strength except with Allah”
أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّ نَفْسِي، وَمِنْ شَرِّ الشَّيْطَانِ وَشِرْكِهِ
“I seek refuge in you from the evil of my soul and from the evil of Satan and his companions.”
As for your question, since this was only a thought, it did not cause any apostasy.
أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ، قَالَ: قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَجَاوَزَ لِي عَنْ أُمَّتِي مَا وَسْوَسَتْ بِهِ صُدُورُهَا، مَا لَمْ تَعْمَلْ أَوْ تَكَلَّمْ (متقق عليه)