Assalam Alyaikum! I asked before, I decided to make detailed question. I don’t have any decline in my psyche. In our country we have really bad situation with islam knowledge. And I feel big discomfort because of this. My husband doesn’t make salah, he opresses me. Also the requirements of islam are very strict in conditions of our country because a lot of people don’t follow religion in right way, they eat haram food (because don‘t what is halal food), don’t follow the restrictions with najas and etc. I try to do my best and that’s why people think that I’m crazy. Allah sees that I feel sore about it. I often think about suicide because I can’t disobey Allah But I can’t follow my religion properly because it is really hard in my country. We haven‘t even normal local scholars. Their knowledge is very bad. They don‘t know apostasy properly, they don‘t know even that if someone make kufra he should to make nikah again and etc. One scholar permitted me to wear pig skin except salah. SubkhanaAllah. That‘s why I can‘t go to them. Usually I ask askimam.org, Abu Ali Ashari mufti in ask.fm and you. So, In difficult situation I was very despaired and I thought my religion is making me crazy. I didn‘t mean all religion. I meant the restrictions of it. This wasn‘t random thought I thought it really my myself. Sorry I don‘t have perfect english I hope I can explain properly.
Wa’alaykum as Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
We are pleased to read that you are following your religion in spite of the difficulties. This reminds us of the Sahabah (r.a), who were tortured, boycotted, banished from their lands etc, just because they accept Allah as their lord.
This world is a test, and each persons test paper is different. Whilst some people are lucky to be surrounded by scholars, religious institutes, Masajid etc, they will be questioned on the day of judgement if they do not come closer to Deen because of these. In other places, like Xinjiang for example, Muslims are forced to denounce their Deen. In Rohingya, Muslims were punished and expelled from their country just because they were Muslims.
Thus, whilst it most definitely is difficult for you, by making Sabr (patience), Dua (supplication) and trying in your own way to bring people closer to the Deen, you will gain great reward and proximity to Allah.
Alhamdulillah, you are making use of the internet to acquire correct Islamic knowledge. See how you can perhaps propagate this knowledge to the people of your country. You become the means to bring people closer to Islam.
The devil will most definitely make you feel depressed, disappointed and grieved. As Muslims, we continuously place our trust in Allah, and cry before Him when we feel down. Having thoughts of suicide etc should not deter us from making a positive change. Remember, it is Haram to commit suicide, and a person who does so, is also disobeying Allah. In Sahih al-Bukhari there is a narration of Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Whoever purposely throws himself from a mountain and kills himself, will be in the (Hell) Fire falling down into it and abiding therein perpetually forever; and whoever drinks poison and kills himself with it, he will be carrying his poison in his hand and drinking it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever; and whoever kills himself with an iron weapon, will be carrying that weapon in his hand and stabbing his abdomen with it in the (Hell) Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari – Book 71 Hadith 670)
In addition to giving Da’wah and making Du’a, we advise you to be steadfast on your religion, and read the struggles of the Sahabah. Also start reading a book like Riyadh as Saliheen everyday in your home. And, send your kids abroad to acquire correct Islamic knowledge and become scholars. Insha Allah, Allah will use your family to become a means of spreading correct Islamic knowledge in your land, and throughout the world, insha Allah.